Friday, June 28, 2013

Germaphobia

There are a couple people in my office who really would do better just wrapping themselves in a haz-mat suit and living in a plastic bubble. I am reminded of this every time the toxic stench of Lysol wafts over to my desk and I am asphyxiated for the next hour until the smell dissipates. One particular perpetrator likes to spray it several times throughout the day, just to be safe, even though no people are ever in that area of the office. And this person genuinely likes the smell. I have heard remarks such as "mmmm... that smells so gooooood!!" after a particularly satisfying spraying rampage. Sometimes the sound of the aerosol can tips me off and gives me a fighting chance so I can evacuate the premises before I get hit with the worst of it. Sometimes I am not so lucky and it sneaks up on me like a cartoon cloud, dark and ominous, with little talon-like fingers reaching out to choke me. I am then sent running into the hallway, gasping for air.

What I don't get is that these people don't seem to recognize that they also go out into the world every day, interacting with society, exposing themselves to all manner of unknown threats, but they think that somehow if they keep a steady fog of Lysol around their cubicle, that will keep the germs at bay. If they maintain their own little sterile micro-climate, they won't be struck down by some deadly virus. And what I really don't understand is how they think that the constant inhalation of the toxic fumes is somehow a healthy choice. I'm all for keeping things sanitary, but it really is out of control. 


Monday, June 24, 2013

Cooking for one

There is nothing inherently interesting about my dinner (pictured above) except that it took me about two weeks to make it. A few weeks ago, I was down to nothing in the fridge but a jar of peanut butter and some ketchup. Inspired, I set off for Trader Joe's. (If any Trader Joe's executives are reading this, I'd like to point out that I have mentioned your fine establishment twice in as many posts. Perhaps it's time to talk sponsorship?) "I'm going to make tacos!" I thought to myself. "And I will also make this tasty pepper and tomato dish whose name I cannot pronounce!" The problem is, when you're cooking for one, and you make tacos, that really means you'll be eating tacos for the next week and a half. So I got all the taco ingredients, and only the non-perishable components of the pepper dish, knowing it would be at least a week before I could reasonably be expected to be able to eat anything that doesn't go on a tortilla. 

Tacos consumed, I was ready to move on to the pepper dish. The recipe is in one of those fancy-pants cookbooks with pretty pictures and each dish having a list of ingredients six inches long, half of which I have never heard of, much less keep stocked in my kitchen. Maybe you, Valued Reader, keep muscovado sugar and orange-flower water in your pantry. I do not. Still, I improvise and it always turns out fine. So yesterday I decided it was finally time. I stopped off at Trader Joe's (Hello?) on my way to a beach outing to pick up something for lunch and while I was there I grabbed some tomatoes, which I remembered I still needed for this recipe. On my way home from the beach I decided what would go really well with the dish would be a sourdough baguette. Stopped back at my neighborhood TJ's to collect that. Got home, got out the pan, reached for some olive oil and nearly screamed and threw the cookbook across the room in disbelief and frustration. There was about a teaspoon of olive oil left in the bottle. And I had no other oil to speak of. And you can't saute an onion and peppers without oil. At that point there was no way I was making a third trip to the store, so I heated up some leftover lasagna and called it a day. 

This project had dragged on so long all I wanted was to just cook the damn peppers and be done with it. So, even though I don't particularly enjoy making anything that requires much preparation on a weeknight, tonight it finally came together. Although I did end up having to MacGyver the recipe a little bit and add some barbecue sauce because it needed a little something more. I'm sure the creator of the recipe would recoil in horror if he knew something so pedestrian went into it. But the truth is, there are very few things that don't benefit from the addition of a little barbecue sauce. 

Saturday, June 22, 2013

Milk

I'm what I like to consider a conscientious omnivore. I don't eat a lot of meat, but if I'm at your house and you serve me a steak, I'll happily eat it. Healthy eating is important to me, and I base my diet around real, organic when possible, food. I try not to make it too complicated.

HOWEVER... Where I find myself constantly getting hung up lately is the issue of milk. Simple, white, thank you, cow, for all that you do for me milk. I don't have any real righteous indignation about the basic issue of using cow's milk for human consumption, though I do agree that huge factory farms are a problem. But really, what's wrong with drinking a little organic milk from a small, responsible farm? Probably nothing, but my brain won't shut up about it. 

I really only consume milk in my coffee, and on my cereal, if I'm having cereal, which I don't do every day. But every time I am at the grocery store standing in front of the milk case, I freeze up. My biggest concern is the recent scientific evidence suggesting the WAY too vague possibility that there MIGHT be a link between the consumption of cow's milk and certain cancers. In my hypochondriacal mind, that should be enough to send me running to the nearest vegan market, but alas, I just can't give up milk in my coffee. 

I have spent many minutes, possibly even collectively hours at this point, surveying in great agony the "milk alternative" displays at various stores. I have tried different kinds: soy (which we're also not supposed to consume too much of), almond, rice, coconut, flavored, unflavored... But none of them work for me. They're all either too cloying, too watery, too bitter, whatever. Some even have titanium dioxide in them. The only passible solution I have found is a chocolate almond milk which tastes alright in coffee, kind of just turns it into a sticky sweet mocha, but then I'm consuming more sugar than I intended. And forget using it on cereal. So I always end up just buying the stupid cow's milk, telling myself "This is just a temporary fix. Next time I'll find an acceptable alternative." 

Which brings me to this morning. I woke up and realized I had no milk in the fridge. And I didn't have any milk in the fridge because of all the above-mentioned, anxiety-inducing issues I have with it. I don't drink coffee every day, but on the weekends, it is a comforting part of my morning routine. So anyway, Valued Reader (if you're still with me at this point), I woke up and wanted coffee. With milk. Do I drag myself out of bed and walk down the street to the mini mart, where they will surely only have mass-produced, hormone and antibiotic-laden poison milk? Or do I get in the car and drive to Trader Joe's, where I can get organic? (But this raises another issue, as TJ's only sells organic in the half-gallon, and that's really more than I need, unless I'm going to commit to eating cereal every morning for the next two weeks.) And does organic really make a difference? And what's the difference between organic and non-organic with the label "This milk comes from cows not treated with rbST"? Is that good enough? And how about the disclaimer on all milk cartons that says "No significant difference has been shown in milk from cows treated with the artificial growth hormone rbST and non rbST treated cows." What does that even mean?? 

So here I am, sitting with my organic, fair-trade coffee laced with poison mini-mart milk, hoping I'm not going to die. 


Friday, June 21, 2013

Jumping into the lagoon

Welcome, World, to The Mermaid's Lagoon. Very often, as I am regaling people with the minutiae of my day, or railing against everything that is wrong with society, the Valued Listener responds with "You HAVE to start a blog!" So, if you are one of those people who has told me over the last few years that I have to start a blog, here you go. I hope it lives up to expectations.

You can expect to hear a lot about office drudgery, public transportation, loud bosses with a proclivity for high-priced collectibles, Disney theme parks, Hawaii, and I don't know what else.

It may take me awhile to familiarize myself with the layout of this site, so if things look clumsy for awhile, I apologize. Technology is none of my business.

So, enjoy. I hope you'll hang out and splash around with me a little bit.