Misanthropia

I spend a good deal of time navigating the cesspool that is the current state of this society. I take the bus to work (not for lack of private transportation, I have a car, I just choose to not give my employer upwards of $70 a month for the privilege of fighting for a parking space in a garage five blocks away from the office). I often venture out on foot to take care of errands at lunchtime. I run a few miles every day in my neighborhood. All of these activities put me in direct and miserable contact with too much humanity, and have made it so evident that society as a whole is on a swift decline. The gene pool is badly polluted, perhaps beyond repair. People simply have no manners or any regard for anyone other than themselves. I would like to return to a kinder, gentler time, when people wore hats and gloves, and spoke at a reasonable volume, and didn't take up more space than their immediate physical presence demanded. 

And with that preamble...

I would like to punch the following people in the face:

People on the bus who carry on conversations on their cell phones at full volume at 7:00 in the morning. Who are these people even talking to? I don't know anyone who wants to talk to me at 7:00am. Not even my mother, who has probably already watered the plants, read the paper, done yoga, and has a pie baking in the oven by that hour. 

People who put their bag on an empty bus seat, as though it were a person and requires that kind of prime real estate.

People who take the aisle seat when the other one is vacant, so you have to ask them to move so you can access the empty seat. Related: People in the aisle seat who just kind of shift their legs to the side when you've reached your stop, rather than standing up to give you the necessary room to make a graceful escape. This sends you scrambling across their lap, and probably "accidentally" hitting them in the head with your purse as you exit. 

People who put their feet on bus seats. Sure, there may be other available seats, but I might prefer that one, and now it is befouled by your disgusting sneakers. 

People out walking their dog and who stand on one side of the sidewalk and let the leash extend across the sidewalk while the dog sniffs around, forcing me into an unsolicited game of Chinese Jump Rope as I am jogging that way. 

People who park their car across a sidewalk, forcing me out into traffic to get around it while I am running. 

People who shove clipboards in my face demanding I support some cause, when I am just out minding my own business, maybe wanting a latte, and trying to get back to the office; and then offer a saccharine "Have a nice day!" when I don't give them what they want. And it's always a "Do you support women's/gay/children's/animal rights?" approach, leaving you with two choices. To either shamefully respond "no" just to get them to leave you alone, or to say "yes, but..." and then launch into some contrite explanation you shouldn't have to give about how you're on your way somewhere (of course you're on your way somewhere - who is out just roaming the streets looking for people holding clipboards) and just don't have the time to engage at the moment, but maybe next time and best of luck to you and thank you for your efforts!

People who come barreling down the sidewalk on their bike, expecting me, the pedestrian, to get out of their way. You get punched twice if there is a bike lane three feet away. 

People who drain the office water cooler and don't replace the bottle. You get punched twice if you are an able-bodied male. (Sorry, feminists, there are still some gender-related niceties that are worth holding on to.)

People who toss their cigarette butts into the street. These are people who probably don't otherwise litter, but somehow they have determined cigarettes to be exempt from the rules. Like they have magical evaporative powers that other trash does not. 

People who turn right the second the light turns green, cutting me off. Me, the pedestrian with the right-of-way who is clearly standing there waiting to cross the intersection.

And all of this can happen in one day. And it usually does.